There comes a point in one’s relationship when it’s deeply apparent that the spark that was once there isn’t there anymore. There is nothing one can do about it. It just isn’t there. Sometimes, that’s a little sad. For anyone, it feels good to be loved. It feels good to be wanted. It feels good to know you have someone out there who has his arms reserved for your hug. It feels good to know you can cuddle there anytime you want and it will be the warmest and safest place in the world. And that nothing could change that.
But we all live in a world full of our own illusions, don’t we?
Such a place does not exist and arms lose their “reserved for X” status for a variety of reasons. One may be the owner of the arms doesn’t like the way he is being perceived. He isn’t good enough for you. He needs space. He is too young to be with someone. He doesn’t think we communicate well. He doesn’t love you.
A large friggin variety of reasons.
So what do you do when the person has moved on completely and there isn’t a shred of the old feeling there and you’re still hung-over from being drunk on the love? You don’t! As in, you don’t do anything. Its time to face reality honey, your not beautiful anymore.
You live your life the best fucking way you know how and build a bubble around you blocking access of any feeling what so ever. Any feeling. You try to achieve the highest state of numbness because by feeling you’re hurting no one else but yourself. And what’s the point in being the only one affected if there is no constructive outcome to be reached? What’s the point in being the one damaged, when there is nothing to it? No romanticism involved. Isn’t it disappointing to know that we do not live in the world we were taught to believe in as kids? The happy safe world where everyone ended up living happily ever after?
The world is a cruel cruel place and yes, we the people, are mere puppets employed to amuse the gods. There is no such thing as long lasting love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there is no such thing as love; the emphasis is on long lasting. It doesn’t last for long.
Isn’t that sad? Especially for people who wish to remain monogamous and have as few as relationships as is possible?
Can’t I get that part of me permanently removed, that part of me that feels?
02.12pm
November 30th, 2005
Wednesday
2 comments:
what is love? is it a hug? is it a kiss? is it a perfect communication? bonding? completeness? sex? what is love?
all these are mere tools to Reach love.... they are not love in their self alone.
you dont have to move on in search of your love. there is more to life.
were you beautiful just because someone loved you?
true the spark might not be there anymore but that doesnt mean it never was. you are betraying yourself by saying that no one loves you.
instead of crying over who you'v loved and lost... try being happy for someone who was lost till you loved him.....
ask yourself... what is love... and is it really all you ever need?
anonymous i'm pretty sure i know who u are, ur writing style gives u away... get a blogger account would u?
do u understand lonliness? do u understand the need for affection? a home?
and by beautiful i dont mean just physical beauty...
...one can feel beautiful now and than on their own...
but have u seen perfection in someone else's imperfections?
thats the kind of beauty im talking about.
love is not the only thing one needs in life...
...but dont u agree that man, being a social animal, is built in a way as to unconsciously search for a partner when he/she doesn't have one?
and also, i never said "no one" loves me.
even the most independant, self sufficiant (emotionally) person in the world needs something to hold him/her down.
but i'll ask u again:
do u understand lonliness?
it creeps up behind u when u least expect it.
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