i dont know whether the following is blog-appropriate. but i wanted my blog to be meaningful and not just a place where i keep a record of what i did all day. so this is it.
i couldn't sleep last night. i got up from my bed, carried my guitar and a note book that i had to a quiet place in the parlour and started to practice. you told me whenever i told you i couldnt play that it was because of a lack of focus. so sure of yourself weren't u? in everything.
you were right. initially, it demands my full attention. i discover i can only switch and strum fast enough when my mind is deeply concentrating on it. so much so, that i forget the world.
you come to me in those moments of complete solitude. when silence has sound. when the world is still enough for me to hear my own breath. when i cant escape me anymore. you come to me and i flow. in music, in song, in words, in emotion. i flow.
you come to me in those deep moments of meditation when my mind and heart are connected as one.
you came to me last night and this is what i wrote. a rough cut if you will:
you continue to haunt me. everyday. you haunt me in a way no one else has. i border on the line between sanity & insanity. imaginary conversations playing through my head.
you laugh and i can hear it clearly. the low throaty laugh that you have.
you haunt me with what could have been and you haunt me with what was past.
i live with a knowing that there shall be no other like you and i shall settle for nothing less.
i remain haunted by the knowledge that you have had many others and may continue to, still. i am haunted with a knowing that i may not be the one, for you.
it took fourteen years for our paths to cross,
it may take another fourteen years for them to cross again.
the world would have changed by than, but not you. you would have remained the same. time having no effect upon you. you remain seemingly immortal.
i am haunted with a look we may have shared. i knew in that moment you saw my soul. i was naked in front of you. yet i did not feel my nakedness.
sometimes i close my eyes and breathe, hoping the air around me would fill me with what is you.
i talk to myself. your ghost is real to me. there are moments when you are but a touch away. but in the "normal" world, you would have never been there...
6 comments:
beautiful :) and your blog is meaningful no matter what. you don't have to work on it - it just is meaningful.
awwwwwwwwwww
my baby! {hugggg!}
and this time i didn't get an email or an sms. hmm. what's up with that uh?
i love you and you and i both know that the one you talk of knows of all that you've written down. :)
its a strange, strange world. and you're not alone. :)
Wow! I'm completely blown away. This is the 2nd time I've been by your blog and this post will make me come back.
It's beautiful. It's so vivid I could feel you feeling all that.
Not that you need meaning to your blog. Just the fact that you're putting something of yourself in it makes it special.
But since you write so well, keep posting stuff.
natasha: thank u :)
mayya: :)
insiya: he does? *wide eyes*
the reason i didnt email this to u in the 1st place was coz i ended up emailing some of the best pieces i had written. i ended up expressing myself so completely through email that i had nothing real left to blog. so i decided to blog when all of it was... still raw.
i luv u angel!
tez: i know, i know... but in a wierd way... sometimes i like being in the state of mind mentioned in the blog... cant explain...
extiinct: wow... omg wow! :D
Well, your someone is here and there. This post, previous post - and I'm sure somewhere else in other writings.
Nothing against music, though I don't like it much; but good-music has really been perished.
And, your sketching mirage has been roaming around in this post, previous post - and I'm sure somewhere else in other writings ;)
I guess a few chorus keep repeating inside of you. N I C E !
Lastly - Well, I like to do a lot of different projects too; but I like to make sure if they are many, they are small enough to be finished. It's only when they are finished, you learn their worth. "Incomplete work is worthy of a work never started"
Usually when I buy a present and keeping that particular person in mind, I buy the first thing I like. It works for me!
-See ya
Nice blog, so I thought whatever I read should give my remarks :o)
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