"you've never really been in a real relationship before, have you?", says visiting rockstar friend aka The Teacher, leaving me open-mouthed and oh-my-god-ding for several minutes.
but but but... how did he know?! in response i only got an amused smile and a wink.
it's true. i'm a relationship virgin. yes, people expect me to know everything. like literally, everything there is to know about what is a conventional romantic life of a person, but that is one topic that i am mostly... very clueless about. it makes me wish i had at least, dated someone during puberty in school to know what you know, being in a relationship felt like. but i grew up with the boys in the school i went to hence there was no question of any of us hooking up with each other. it was almost like incest. it still is.
and as weird as this whole revelation may sound, i don't like it. i don't like not knowing. i don't like being clueless. i don't like not being sure when i should play hard-to-get and/or when i shouldn't. when am i supposed to be the girly-girl. how does one act like a girlfriend? what do they do? how is it different than being yourself?
most importantly, why have i never been a girlfriend?
*imagines dying alone in a house full of cats with the above questions remaining unanswered*
