haven't blogged or visited blog world in a long time. damn, the ban on the *.blogspot.com domain name, accessing blogs has become such a major hassle. as is always in my life, i reach periods when i feel the need for intense contemplation. and no, this has nothing to do with pms.

now where do i start? what do i want in life? sometimes, i think its terrible that i live such a crazed-confused ezistance. i have loved music with my soul for almost as long as i can remember. i discovered writing at the age of ten. add graphic design, photography, painting walls and what not to that list and u shall get the madeeha that is me.

sometimes, i dont feel like i am properly equipped to deal with the "real" world and "real" people. and its difficult going through life, concentrating stubbornly in trying to be the person that one is deep down inside. the un-corrupted self. but that formula doesn't always work does it? but i dont want to have to live life by certain rules. i dont want to have to play games. i dont want to live life like one big formula-the right inputs/actions will give so and so desired result. why cant i just be me? and be accepted for the person that i am? dont get me wrong, i am thankful for all the angels i have in my life (you know who you are).

issues with being mis-understood.
one of my biggest fear is both being crowded and being left along too much.

my mind has too much time to think up crazy kooky thoughts.
if i'm not crazy already, i know i'll drive myself nuts pretty soon.